Vlog #3: a look into my video journal on my journey to post traumatic growth.

That is the mindset that the people closest to me had adopted at the time that this video was made, and I am positive they have their reasons.

This video was taken right in the middle of a huge shiftstorm of mine!

When you begin to heal generational trauma, you create a shiftstorm that makes people uncomfortable.

Talking about trauma makes many people uncomfortable and sometimes angry depending on their own personal experience with it all.

So, when you write about your journey the way that I do the generational trauma subject gets a little hot around those who have not wished to acknowledge theirs. Especially with those who are implied to have a taste of the t word by association. I’ve learned that people don’t have the same sharing is caring attitude about healing their traumas as I do; and that’s okay.

For me, it was worth the risk of the stigma; and it is worth the risk of abandonment to be free of CPTSD and central nervous system symptoms. Others may feel differently about how shameful it is to talk about “that stuff” but I disagree. Generational trauma by definition means that the human or humans that nurtured you have trauma too. That is impossible for people to acknowledge; until they are ready just like anything. We all have some form of trauma, we require it to exist as humans somehow. It’s just the truth.

People that I loved were apparently using the stigma of mental illness to internet diagnose my conditions; behind my back of course, as though they had a clue what was happening for me on the inside.

People closest to me decided I was suffering from Bi-polar disorder; and from that there was a plethora of unsolicited advice on how I should handle myself. They were of course incorrect. As we often are when we judge other people in lieu of at least attempting to understand them.

From my perspective and from my level of healing at that time the compound effects of being stigmatized by loved ones forced my cptsd symptoms to present themselves in my closest relationships. This simply added fuel to any preconceived notions that people already formed of me, CPTSD looks similar to BPD in the textbooks.

All said and done I was removed from all close relationships that I had when I started healing my traumatic past. It even put my marriage on thin ice for a while there. My trauma was deemed to big and scary to have anyone face it with me; and this happened for months on end. I was looking at my trauma in an attempt to heal my body; and I had already found the trauma link for myself and had already been practicing post traumatic growth…. I was failing because I was mostly unguided and we later found out it is because of the traumas I experienced as a small child.

I knew about it, but I still had lots of self love work to do at this time.

Please remember that my videos are not edited, I keep them authentic (ugly crying face and all) because I want my journey to bring comfort to anyone in similar situations. I was weathering a shiftstorm.

Looking back it is beautiful to see myself then and how far I’ve come. How far my relationships have grown; the depth of healing I have achieved from being willing to learn about how what happened to me impacted my health today.

The trauma link. The big ahh ha moment for me! I’ll never forget it… I was so excited.

I’ve been studying trauma in depth for over two years now.

Don’t worry… I’ve since stopped referring to myself as crazy! Our marriage is also learning to navigate post traumatic growth! 😬 this self love journey thing is a wild ride!

There is a path through to post traumatic growth for everyone I hope that sharing mine gives others pieces of what they need for theirs.

I’m so grateful for my journey.

-B. 💋