Consumed By Fear

Consumed By Fear

People have been living in fear for years now, and fear based decision making is the literal path to the underlying condition of self destruction.

For anyone who hasn’t done their own work on fear based decision making… Fear will the most common motivating factor right now because it has been cursing through us for years now.

It starts off fun, like intentional fear maybe scary movies or a roller coaster experience those are examples of where we play with fear, we enjoy the thrill of the controlled hormone thrill. Same happens with addictions. It always starts off as a controlled coping strategy. Fear is supposed to be a short term coping strategy, where the emotion spikes the hormones required for fight of flight survival. Same as the thrill of a rollercoaster, and an accurate analogy of the hormonal cascade.

But what happens when the fear is constant and unresolved is that our bodies adapt to attempt at evolution. Our cells adapt to the hormones that are available and trigger cascades of functions that over stimulate the central nervous system.

This is great for survival… but not so great for maintaining longevity… it’s like running an old engine dry and dirty nothing is going to flow properly and too much pressure will blow a freaking gasket!

When you run your system on fear based decision making you are riding dirty!

Any fear based decision you make will drive you closer to rock bottom. Trust me. I took the tour!

It is true that unless you do some self observation you will stay stuck in the cycle of fear.

Fear keeps you in what in ignorance, refusing to face it.

Fear, and the things we do that are rooted from fear are hidden in plain sight when we are unaware.

The trifecta that occurs between fear, shame and judgment (perceived, or actual) have the ability to keep you frozen in apathy as a vicious cycle. The motivation killers.

Fear and shame have been traditional driving factors they go hand in hand because there is a real visceral fear about being shamed. To the point where people will take actions that go against their own values to avoid being shamed.

The old faithful fear has been used to keep control for generations.

Parents use it.

Systems and society and religion use it.

Governments use it.

We learn to use it and to avoid it at all costs.

If you take a moment to observe your bloodline for a moment, as it applies to fear you can observe where your fears may have come from.

What do you fear? It’s probably a driving factor.

If you grew up poor- you might fear a lack of abundance… and with that keep yourself busting your ass to keep up your abundance; perhaps to the detriment of your close relationships?

If you were raised in a household that was all stuck on survival mode, you may be learning how to break the trauma cycle for the fear that your children will have to repeat the same.

Fear is alive in all of us, it is what we learn to do with that fear and how we respond to it that matters the most.

It is common that we inherit the fears of our caregivers by way of nurture and adaptation. As we look more deeply into the history of our country we can see pretty clearly that we have been living with underlying fear for centuries. As we uncover the truth about the Residential schools, and the mandates it is clear that the structures and the societies built around them have always been fear based.

It’s easy to push people around with their own fears, if you understand them, it’s basic psychology.

Traditionally fear has been used to manipulate and control situations and even people.

Religion uses fear.

Structures and systems use fear.

Parents and guardians use fear.

We’ve adapted to buy in to the fear, so as to avoid the shame of non conformity.

Fear helps us form opinions and judgements of others and stops us from doing what we know is right.

If you have a strong opinion about what someone else is or isn’t doing right now I urge you to sit down and stop projecting your fears onto others; maybe take the time to reflect on your fears and solve them for yourself!

As I approach my 4th year of full time healing and we approach the 3rd year of the dumpster fire that is navigating this global pandemic.

Now would be a good time for everyone to do a fear based decision making check for themselves. Figure out where they are not truly living because of fear. Talk to someone, make the changes. There’s life behind the fear!

My journey afforded me the advantage of learning how to navigate my fear based decision making, and alter it for post traumatic growth.

In order to move through fear, you have to be willing to stare it in the face and take your power back from it.

If you have shifted your ways of living because of fear that has impacted your ability to show up in your life like you desire to, it’s the perfect time to pause. Find the fear, and get some help moving through it.

Living in a constant state of fear, which is also known as anxiety keeps your body and neuropathways addicted to the hormones that anxiety creates.

The decision to let go of your fear is a courageous one to make! Ask for help if you reach your limit.

Fear doesn’t get to consume me anymore, and that’s post traumatic growth!

-B.💋

Safety is a Commodity.

Safety is a Commodity

Safety is a precious commodity that very few have the means to hold.

Safety is not something that should be sold like a commodity, but it is, just like everything else.

How much safety do you buy?

Insurances of any kind, equipment, safety services?

It’s a huge market, because it is a basic human need.

Just like the beauty industry that plays on the basic human need for belonging.

Or the medical industry that plays on the basic need for access;used to be access to care… but they’ve currently bumped it up to access to society.

Billion dollar markets my friends! Think about that for longer than a second.

I thought that perhaps the pursuit of safety was just a cptsd healing thing; but when I look deeper it’s a human thing.

We all need safety, and many of us have no idea how to achieve it. Because it is safety that we need, and fear that keeps us stuck. It is the ultimate paradoxical dilemma… the juxtaposition between safety and fear.

The pursuit of safety for me has been stitched closely together with my pursuit of wellness; because in order to achieve wellness I also require safety, go figure!

It has been the missing piece the whole time for me, and I think that is true for many of us; because safety is something that all of us still seek in one or more aspect of our lives.

We seek financial safety in our abilities and skills.

We seek emotional safety in our relationships, the need is even more with intimate relationships.

We seek the safety of belonging.

We seek safety because we need it to self regulate and reach the rejuvenation advantage. Safety is the secret sauce.

When I can’t accomplish safety for myself I am very easily triggered into trauma responses, that’s cptsd. But it still holds true for all humans. We go into survival mode if we feel threatened or unsafe.

It is when we don’t have that sense of safety; plus we don’t have the tools or help we need to regulate during or after that a traumatic experience is formed.

It’s a simple equation really.

Helplessness and neglect of needs or isolation is “all”it takes for a traumatic experience to form as an emotional blockage.

We cross the line from a feeling of regulation and safety into a space where are not capable of regulating and initiate the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn subconsciously to survive.

We are emotionally designed to disassociate and detach ourselves from the experience of trauma. We will always have a unique mixture of our own emotions, but noticing the ways that you specifically disassociate to cope is helpful knowledge to have.

There are 4 common response paths. Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. Certain circumstances call for each of them depending on your needs. I’ve experienced all of them, I think we all do to some degree.

That’s all complex trauma responses are built of. Compounded band aided neuropathways created after that unregulated experience. It gets complex when there are multiple experiences that help form many limiting beliefs, but that is the basic structure.

The experience of trauma happens in any circumstance when something happens to you, or around you, where you do not feel safe and don’t have the power to control your circumstances.

This happens quite naturally in parent-child relationships in general. Everyone who was once an infant communicating your needs, without language or ability has experienced helplessness linked to literal survival needs. It’s great if caregivers practice urgency and attentiveness. But it is traumatic if the needs aren’t met with some shared sense of urgency for the one feeling helpless. ❤️

If a child is “acting out” which is a child’s way of asking for more attention, and an adult is having an emotional reaction and say raising their voice… the child has no control over that. On top of that, the child also doesn’t get the advantage of regulation that they expressed the need for. This inadvertently changes the child’s behaviour to avoid asking for support, because it has been proven an unsafe path.

It can happen just once, or repeated times both are traumatic if left unresolved. Unmet emotional needs are traumatic for children to experience.

The same is true for adults unmet emotional needs are traumatic for everyone.

Chronic illness or disease is often a trigger for feeling unsafe because there is no control of what was happening, or when. There often isn’t much choice but to participate in invasive tests. Non-compliance is met with loss of access. Then often the support that is available does more harm than good.

People healing any kind of trauma pathways need safety for their healing journey, and it is hard to come by. The system is broken and it is hard to navigate, and close family and relationships are often tainted with historically charged emotional issues, judgement and unrealistic expectations; so safety is often really hard to find in healing, especially before you learn to create it for yourself.

Safety is a commodity that we exchange trust time and money to create for us the advantage of feeling safe in our lives. It is something we both need, and deeply desire.

There are layers to safety that are not widely understood; yet we know we need it and keep searching as a primal response.

We barter for it.

We want to feel safe, and we seek safety for our lives even subconsciously.

In relation to others we seek safety in their confidence with our vulnerabilities.

In general we seek safety as one of the values we guide our lives with as we meet our basic needs for shelter, water and food. We want safe environments- physically and emotionally. We want safe clean drinking water, and we want safe chemical free food to eat.

We seek safety in authentic belonging; being freed from the discrimination of others.

For ourselves we seek safety and trust from within that gives us the understanding of our implicit worth. We seek, and find that our self worth is always 100%, regardless of what we think about ourselves that day. It is there we find safety.

The emotional needs of humans are just beginning to be understood as mental health education continues to break barriers and spread emotional intelligence among society.

Safety is a precious commodity to humans, like water.

Safety; and the perception of it is dependant on individual perspective.

The feeling of safety is achieved when you get the sensation that you will be comforted in your authenticity, and not shamed. Then it is reinforced when the actions meet the intentions of your life consistently.

Some of us will only every experience the luxury of safety after unlearning the patterns that keep us from it.

If you feel like you are in a position, like me, where you know safety is available but you aren’t in the position to purchase it- I feel the injustice!

For example: Our medical and public health system isn’t designed around safety; it is created by people who can buy it for themselves. The world looks different through their lenses. They take that position for granted, and we aren’t granted safety because we can’t purchase it.

If you are struggling to feel the feeling of safety in any area of you life, know that it is possible to feel safe again it takes practice, and a boatload of self advocacy.

Buckle down and learn your needs, and how to meet them as best you can. Show up for yourself.

Do what you can do. If you have some unlearning to do; cancel the pity party you normally throw and Start unlearning now.

Small steps forward is the prescribed method for any long term change; but you have got to do the work. Seeking safety for your life in all of the areas that you desire will walk you right onto the path of self love.

When you choose trauma informed self love you learn to cultivate safety independently. By leveraging safety as a valuable commodity you learn to trust yourself and honour yourself enough to walk away from people, places, or things that no longer serve you. You begin to trust yourself differently, because you know that you have your own back.

If you have the confidence to do any of that, you’ve achieved cultivating safety independently…. Congratulations you hold safety as a renewable resource commodity; that’s some high level achievement!

Love yourself first, love yourself through it my friends!