Gaslighting

An interesting thing happens when you begin to become aware of what is actually occurring in your current life is because your perceptions are skewed from gaslighting. It’s a very powerful acknowledgment.

Once you became aware of it you begin to find it everywhere. That’s the backhand of awareness, you can’t un-find what you’ve already become aware of it just doesn’t work like that.

The experience of medical gaslighting while accessing care for chronic illness needs is a reality for many. The system is not “free”. We exchange our vulnerability and access to our bodies for invasive testing alongside the 18month wait times to be medically gaslit after a 10 minute consultation.

It comes from “friends”, relatives and even strangers. They will shamelessly gaslight you in the name of their personal beliefs and fixed mindset narratives.

Look at any news article right now and then look at the comments. As a coach it is hard to watch so many people be so blindly cruel to other humans over a personal choice.

The government has even taken a liking to the use of gaslighting to feed their narratives these days. It’s literally everywhere!

We as a society are steeped in the experience of being gaslit, so much so that it is nearly a social norm to experience narcissistic behaviours: discrimination and stigmatization are all ways to enhance gaslighting’s ability to debilitate someone.

And if you have done the work of healing from the emotional abuse of a narcissistic person, discrimination, racism, stigmatization, you know exactly how deep the sharp edges of gaslighting cut; because you have survived them.

Invisible wounds from invisible words feeding invisible illnesses. It is its own toxic cycle.

Gaslighting has unfortunately become so trendy that people replicate it unconsciously. It is time to become aware, consciously aware.

Ive had really close friends and even family choose gaslighting over taking accountability for their intentionally harmful actions. Ive had to end those relationships.

Narcissists will always choose ego over accountability; notice that.

Since gaslighting is such a catch phrase that is commonly used incorrectly…. Let’s review the dictionary.com definition:

“To cause a person to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation”

According to Wikipedia manipulation is described as follows:

“Manipulation or emotional manipulation is the use of devious means to exploit, control or otherwise influence others to ones advantage”

I’ve been taking a deep dive into both gaslighting and manipulation as I am healing from the felt experiences of both in their various forms.

To further explain the experience of gaslighting here are some common indicators that it is happening, or that you might be blindly participating either as the victim or the gaslighter 😬.

✨using intense emotional connection to control the other persons behaviour “but I’m your (insert family hierarchy status) I expect (insert some behaviour that they are demanding) because (insert emotional manipulation via guilt)”.

Example: “but I’m your Father, I expect you, as an adult, to allow me to have authority over your choices because I gave up my dream career and perceived future to marry your mother when she got pregnant. So it would mean lots to me if you would just do what I say, for once”.

✨ playing on a persons insecurities. If a person has disclosed their deepest insecurities to you and you use that information to manipulate them or sabotage them somehow by over sharing information not yours to disclose.

✨ lying and denial. Pretty straight forward.

✨hyperbole and generalization you”always”… “this one thinks the world revolves around her”

✨changing the subject, or not being willing to have conversations that involve emotions.

✨moving the goalposts, or conditions to accessing non-abusive support.

✨using fear to control another person

Look around your life. Everyone’s got people who play with the fire of gaslighting. It has been woven into our society, into our communities and it seeps into our relationships and homes. If you’ve never noticed before it does slap you in the face to find out that it has been happening.

The experience of being gaslit makes the person receiving it question their own self worthiness, and sometimes their purpose in the world. We lose people because the people around them are ignorant to the harm that their words and judgements have when they are practicing gaslighting.

Gaslighting is everywhere these days, all driven by fear basted, anxiety ridden hurt people… all out there hurting other people instead of resolving their need to avoid feelings.

Since gaslighting is emotional warfare, if you do notice that you are finding gaslighting around you… it is a good time to seek some supportive learning communities on the topic.

Ive relied on the support of my counsellors, coaches and psychologist to help support me in my navigation of healing. Of course there are books and videos and lectures by the thousands… but there is something unique that only 1:1 support can offer you.

That is a deeper understanding of your personal experience, you can’t get this doing solo work. You often need the perspective of a safe person to help recognize the patterns of a few key points that are holding you back.

The growth happens beyond the limitations we keep for ourselves. The purpose of gaslighting someone is manipulation and limitation. We can’t grow if we are constantly having to emotionally reconcile the betrayals of manipulation. Growth happens after safety is achieved and self reliance is established.

If this has made you recognize that you are sometimes guilty of some moderate gaslighting tendencies- this is a beautiful opportunity for you to just notice. Don’t judge yourself, some people were raised in environments where emotional gaslighting was called love. ❤️

Noticing now gives you a choice.

Now You can choose not to replicate old patterns. It starts with awareness that it is happening, then a commitment to make changes to stop it from continuing.

I won’t allow gaslighting to be a pattern I repeat.

-B.💋

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