I was always under the impression that Love needed to somehow be earned in the same way that someone earns your respect. There was some aspect of the notion of what humans call love that simply did not make sense to me for a long time… and what I realized is that what I had originally set off to find was not the kind of love that I was actually looking for.
Before him, what I found was love that came at a price. Love that came with consequences that I ignored for the “comforts” of love from another person- when really all I was doing was avoiding taking the time to actually love myself. But of course, hindsight is 20-20 right.
I learned some early lessons about what love can look like, followed by a few harder lessons of my own about what I didn’t want as “love” in my life.
I took the time to learn the lessons, and came into the relationship with my husband now, with a list of non-negotiable for me.
I had lit my own determination I decided that I could do this on my own- and I started on my own adventure, a literal journey alone, through the vast rocky mountains. With a borrowed truck, a few hundred bucks and a two day freedom ride turn around journey to my new chapter of my life… I did it. I came home.
My childhood best friend and I finally got the opportunity to be roommates! She brought me in and stood me back up helped me back on the path to my life today!
Then I found him, again- and this time I got to keep him!
He taught me what love was, and I showed him all of me, messy and broken- he helped me pick up all of the pieces of my heart that I had lost in my journey to him. He wiped the tears created by men he never knew. He held me so tight it felt like he put me back together again. He loved me when I felt unlovable, and he meant it.
In sickness, he really stepped in, taking care of the things he could, and really focusing on me and what I needed to get through this. He is my rock. He is the calm to my storm, his touch calms me, his arms hold me tight and his soul speaks to mine with no words at all.
He showed me that I didn’t have to be perfect to be loved. He showed me what it feels like to be loved no matter what, unconditionally.
This year we celebrated 14 years together, and a lifetime just doesn’t seem long enough.