The three words that made my whole world make sense again, on paper at least.

Its a diagnosis. My diagnosis… Those three not-so-little words, and the explanation of the physical pain I was experiencing together gave me answers that I had been desperate to find.

Sure, it was the answer to all of the questions that I had, but it certainly didn’t solve any of the problems that had helped to create it.

Like some kind of fucked up jeopardy situation… I was given the answer and then sent out to explain to the other medical staff that I was having support me through the process. Except that the medical system and the mental health system do not work together at all because they are separate according to archaic medical science.

Any idiot with google and about 15 minutes can figure out that there is a definitive connection between the human mind, and the human body.

I have made that connection. Science has made the connection… I have a diagnosis available for this new fancy condition that specialists in the actual field do not have access to- because they went to medical school long ago.

I have a diagnosis- but can not find a doctor that can help me correct my hormonal imbalances. I had the privilege of speaking to an endocrinologist- who learned of my condition from me, during our initial visit. Forgive me for not feeling safe in the arms of the medical system, when I am hand holding physicians hands through the central nervous system and how the hormones are connected to my physical responses ie: fight or flight anxiety responses. It is all connected, the physical health, and the mental health- the secret is in the hormones and balancing them all before my organs are too damaged to sustain life.

I am in a race against time to expedite the healing process of my central nervous system before I am submitted further into my disability, and further away from the health that I crave.

At least with the benefit of the knowledge of my diagnosis, I was granted the ability to heal, because I had a starting point.

What I have come to learn is that central nervous system care is extreme self-care, and it is never a bad idea, also it is the way to heal some of the symptoms of Centralized Sensitization Syndrome.

-B.