I no longer fear abandonment, because I am aware of how it affects me. I am finally aware.
I spent the early parts of my life appeasing other people to the point of self sabotage in the form of abandonment of my own needs.
I unintentionally abandoned my needs, and I am facing the affects of this in my life today in the condition of my cells, and their ability to keep regenerating.
Abandonment, and the attachment style that nurtured me used to play a guiding role in my life.
I used to behave and act in conditioned ways.
I was practicing behaviours that really didn’t serve anything that I was trying to cultivate or implement in my life.
I was living without awareness.
I was shocked to learn that as you learn what it means to love yourself; this means that you also learn what it means to not love yourself. If you have been there, you know, it is really no surprise that if you are going to change something about your life, you must first become aware of it.
This means that you have to become aware of how you are showing up for yourself before you are capabale of showing up for anyone else. I only became aware of what I was actually in control of after I learned to have awareness.
Before awareness, I was doing “really well” all things considering ; looking back to where I came from, I was thriving…or I thought I was. Right up until my whole world flipped over with this condition, and I realized I was not serving myself in really any of the ways I could be. I was caught in the cycles of life without awareness. I was lost.
If you do not have awareness you have not started the work yet.
Awareness is a prerequisite for this kind of work.
Without it you are often sitting in the dark most likely with discontent scattered around your life.
Being fully aware of the circumsatances you are facing is a messy place to be. It is challenging and it can get pretty dark for most people, but this is where most of us muster the desire to change. This is where the changes happen, this is where the heightened awareness really happens.
Awareness isn’t really about finding all of the good, that comes well after for most of us.
Typically speaking lack of awareness comes from people who aren’t able to see the positives in situations. The most negative people are the most ignorant to awareness and its benefits.
Once you have awareness you have the base for everything else you need, because you understand where you are, the good, the bad and the ugly and then you have to cultivate a plan to get through it all.
Awareness allows you to see yourself in the whole picture, where you stand in relation to everyone and every thing around you.
You can see your own faults, and how you must change to fulfill your personal alignment… you acknowledge the things that don’t serve you and take action away from old habits; but it all starts with awareness.
It’s about taking awareness to the depth that allows you to look at your ego, and acknowledge those shadowed pieces of you too. It took the abandoned shame and guilt and the awareness.
Once you step into awareness, you give yourself more opportunities to heal.