People that I love screamed it at me “you need medication”. They voiced their personal opinions and shoulds that I should, in their opinions, adopt largely because they said so and not derived from anything except their personal opinion… relevant or not.
All while I was physically and emotionally slapping against the rockiest bottom that was my life because of the hormonal impacts my body was already facing because of the medicines I had been on for years.
Everyone has a plethora of unsolicited advice for you, then they typically ask if you are taking medicine, and suggest that you should.
No attempt at understanding but with conditions applied to unconditional love; spoiling it entirely. Followed by judgment and even more unsolicited advice and a reinforcement that I should consider medicine.
I have said this before, but I started my removal of Rx medicines when I was offered another Rx for the symptoms of the one I was on. Ummmm… I’m trying to get off of these it didn’t make sense to me that I was adding more.
Instead of taking a few moments to just be present, people provide unsolicited and really terrible mental health advice, or truly horrible advice that is not helpful and causes more emotional uncertainty for the person struggling.
I speak from personal experience when I say that this is hard to tolerate, especially from the people that you love.
This conversation makes the one struggling feel provoked, manipulated, and then being judged for “over” reacting when someone steps way out of their lane like that.
That is gaslighting in a nutshell. We live in a gaslighting society. Shame and gaslighting are common things people use on other people to try to control someone else’s behaviour.
People that I love tried to use gaslighting and manipulation tactics like isolation (abandonment, avoidance and a lack of inclusion) to try to manage me, like a child.
Have you ever felt “managed” by a group of people who don’t have a clue what you need?
That’s what managing a chronic illness feels like with everyone’s shitty advice about what you should be doing with zero regard for what you want or even need for that matter.
Take a moment to try out some empathy and try feeling how it might feel to receive those words when your body doesn’t give you that option.
I tried these medications; and they created the worst months of my life, the worst most horrific of my ptsd symptoms were when I was on medications. Those medications turned me into a walking zombie. I was the most unsure of myself physically and mentally ON those medications. So having people try and tell me that is the “way”, and argue without understanding is something that I didn’t realize I would need to navigate until I was already in it.
A piece of advice if you are supporting someone with Anything, but especially emotionally, before you make any suggestions, make sure you have taken the time to understand the facts of the situations that the person is facing.
In order to counsel someone; they must first WANT your advice. When I was talking to my friends, or my family was not seeking advice unless I directly ASKED for advice.
Any other time I was seeking comfort, support, and a witness to some anecdotes I found along the way. That is all. Support. Not advice! Definitely not prescription advice from someone who has never lived in a sensitive body or not taken a biology course since high school.
Since doctors aren’t trained in nutrition needs at all unless they decide to take the training, they didn’t know how to direct me to nutrition for my body to support my needs. None of them could! I asked every doctor I encountered.
I was shocked!
Are you taking your medicine? what medicines are you taking? those are always the first or near first questions on a medical intake form. All about Rx. Because your body becomes a lab for them to play with and adjust.
This is where me and my ultra sensitive traumatized body bowed out of the Rx experience. I had too much going on. I had to start fresh.
When I made that decision, I was not regarded as an adult. I was treated like a child by my peers and my family.
I had to learn to make my own “medicine” out of combining everything that made the most sense in chaos. I’ve been doing it for two years now and I think I have found the sweet spot for me. I like it here! I have my routine, and I use my routine to schedule my intentional healing practices and tasks.
I took webinars, online courses, attended summits, did my own internet research, talked to professionals, had group medical visits with pain specialists and chronic disease specialists, tried hundreds of brain exercises and mindfulness tools. And from my knowledge I gathered I created my personal healing journey framework.
I call them the daily 5. They are the things that you accomplish every single day for yourself and your life that fulfil your purpose and intentions.
Are you doing YOUR daily 5?
Are you meeting your baselines? Have you even established them for yourself?
Everyone wants to feel better but no one wants to put in the actual effort to account their goals.
I dug deep into the why of this whole scenario that people often find themselves replicating…. literally everyone finds ways to self sabotage. And we aren’t dumb… we are elaborate when it comes to hiding this truth from ourselves.
If I could rewind I would start asking people way earlier to let ME be the expert on me, so I would advocate for myself harder and with more authority even sooner.
I would also give myself this advice: Just love yourself first and meet in the middle with good intentions and less expectations all around… this is what cultivates love. ❤️
It was hard to acknowledge that my combined and complex traumatic lived experiences were the root causes of the issues that I was facing with my overall health today. That notion nearly broke me, and then became my greatest motivation.
This has been one of the most challenging parts of the journey for me. Being vulnerable enough to allow my emotions; even though those around me don’t understand and judge me. Stigmatize me, and even isolate me from community or family. Shame me for not choosing medicine, because the hard road is hard. It is the truth of it all for me at least.
My intention from the beginning was always to heal and grow, and I was blessed to find gratitude and to have the courage to peer into my own darkness to find the lessons to move forward.
The lesson that helped me recognize the level of participation required from me was when the medicine made me worse. Everything that is supposed to help made me worse.
So no; I am not taking your medicine!
My lifestyle changes have been solving my medical problems.
The healthiest thing is to live without prescriptions, especially neurological altering ones. An excellent doctor will use them only as a short term tool to help someone through the darkest of their darkness. They aren’t intended for long term use!
I chose lifestyle changes first, steady progress for the win!
Self love is the best medicine, it’s potent too… I’ve been dosing myself with acceptance and love.